Friday, May 15, 2009

A Hero's Life

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Modesty

My sister Siri and I were sitting on the porch. She was angry. "Melissa attacked me," she said.

"Oh, that's not good," I said. "I bet that made you mad."

"Yeah. She said, 'You have to put on a shirt!'" She crossed her arms over her chest and stared out at the road.

She's five, at that age when clothes - you know, they're just not important. (Okay, actually she should be past that age, but she's a little developmentally delayed). Earlier today I had to threaten to end our front-yard picnic if she wouldn't go inside and put on some pants.

As amused as I was by the situation, I did my best to explain the reasoning. You see, she's been having lots of trouble following certain rules, even rules that we tell her over and over again, and that she gets punished for breaking over and over again. I figured that there was a better hope of her obeying if I told her why.

"You see, Siri, it's important to be modest," I said. "We have to cover up our bodies, because they are temples. You remember learning about temples in Primary."

"Mm-hm." She's interested now, looking up at me instead of at the street, allowing her folded arms to relax. I recall how excited she was when she came home with a temple poster, and how she made me promise to put it up by the bed.

"You remember, that the temple is where Heavenly Father lives?"

"Yeah."

"Well, your body is a temple too, and you can have Heavenly Father's spirit live with you and help you. But only if you respect your temple, if you respect your body. And that means you have to be modest and keep yourself covered. It shows respect to Heavenly Father and to your body." I know it's a little repetitive, but she's five. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

I went back to reading my book - until I remembered what book I was reading. A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit. It's a book that has been worrying me and making me fervently glad for the Mormon surroundings I grew up in and continue to live in. Ms. Shalit makes the argument that women's increased problems with rapes, disappointing relationships, stalkers, heartbreak, and other problems of the sort are due to a lack of modesty, you know, that thing that men forced on women to keep them downtrodden.

Ms. Shalit talks of past times, times of modesty. Women were expected to cover up and to save themselves for marriage. A woman being pressed by a suitor to do more than was decent had myriad reasons not to - her parents were waiting up for her, what would the neighbors think of her - and if the man still pressed, then he was a boor indeed. And if he went even farther and took, he faced severe punishment.

However, this is what the feminists call "repression." Women have sex drives too, you know. Why force her to keep it all locked up? So the clothes came off, the barriers came down, the parents stopped caring, and now men don't respect women, women think something's wrong with them if they don't want to have sex, and modesty and chastity are largely scorned.

Would one of these feminists be angry with me for telling my sister that she needed to cover herself up? Probably. These are women who dress their preschoolers in belly shirts and short shorts to compete in beauty pageants and are only to glad to say to a TV camera that those who wouldn't put their girls in pageants must have ugly children. These are women who dress themselves in belly shirts and short skirts and blame the men for looking at them like sex objects.

In short, they're people I don't understand.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Middle Name

It's all Goober's fault.

Well, maybe not totally. Okay, so maybe it's a lot my fault.

In my life I have gone by several names. When I was younger, I more often heard nicknames than my full name. Later I went by Mariel every so often. Right now, if someone says "bob" I look up.

The other day I will filling out my acceptance to the Disney World program, and I came across "What do you want on your name tag?" I put in my first name, then started thinking about how interesting it might be to go by my middle name. It's a very nice middle name, classical and traditional. And, I admit, it's the name of one of my favorite Jane Austen characters. So I jokingly suggested I put it on my name tag. Goober thought it was a brilliant idea, to the point where I actually typed it in... and then accidentally hit enter.

It wouldn't let me go back to that page.

So it looks like I'll be going by my middle name for a few months. I hope I get used to it quickly.

Twilight

My friends, I must admit it: I am obsessed with Twilight. I have denied it for as long as I could, but the truth must come out.

I can't help it. It has bewitched me and ensnared me and dazzled me...

Many are the hours I have spent mocking the heroine (and the heroin), laughing hysterically at the movie and books, reading articles against it and agreeing and reading articles for it to mock them. I have risked public beating because I insist on insulting the so-called characters and so-called plot whenever possible. I have seen the movie several times, each time bringing more and more friends to mock it with me. I have even arranged a Twilight movie party, to which all of my friends, several acquaintances, and one aunt are invited to. (Actually, not all of my friends. One of them has already beat upon me while I mocked Twilight, and I do not want a repeat.)

It's gotten to the point where my mother, upon seeing a box of "Forbidden Fruits," that is, Twilight-themed conversation hearts, immediately bought them for me.

They come in a black box, with a quite emo-looking Edward/RPattz on the front (at least this one does, it says it's "2 of 3"). The box insists that "The Forbidden Fruit Tastes The Sweetest," I guess thinking that Talking In Capitalized Words Makes You Cool (actually, it just makes me think of Mr. Pump), and boasts a "Secret Scent Rub to Reveal..." Someone should probably tell them that abusing ellipsis doesn't make them mysterious. The hearts themselves come in the flavors Orange Obsession, Tempting Apple, Passion Fruit, and Secret Strawberry. They say things like "soul mate" "bite me" "dazzle" "lamb" "I trust you" "u r my life," and some of them are even sparkly. Nope. Not making that up. Some of the hearts are sparkly.

This greatly amuses me, although I think they were a little off. The flavors, for start. Why aren't any of them blood flavored? (Dextrose in particular was annoyed with that.) Then there's the halfhearted attempt at alliteration. I suppose, due to the other sayings on the box, "Passion Fruit" could hardly be avoided, but apple could have been Ambrosial Apple or Angelic Apple Adoring Apple or Apple Of My Eye or something. Of course, I think that even with alliteration they're off. Orange Obsession was fine, but Secret Strawberry? How about... Stalking Strawberry? (Or maybe StephanieBella StrawBerry? Oo, I am clever.) My mother didn't go for Abusive Apple, so I also came up with Awful Apple (pretty bad, I know) and Ancient Apple. And then how about Freaky Fruit, Furry Fruit (Team Jacob!), or Fangirl Fruit? ('Fruit' is a weird word.)

Mmkay, so now I have a box of conversation hearts that taste like Stalking Strawberry, Ancient Apple, Orange Obsession, and Fangirl Fruit. Yum. Now for the sayings on the hearts. "spider monkey!" "my drug" "108-year-old virgin" "wind chimes" "*~sparkle~*" "Team James" "twinkletoes" "demon baby" and "angle marble cupcake adonis" (although that one would have to be in pretty small writing).

And yes, I wrote this post instead of studying for my exams. : D

P.S. I now own all three of the different boxes (emo Edward, emo Bella, and emo Cullen clan, how original!) and the fruit flavors are really... odd.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Florida

So I've been pretty excited these past few days because I'm going to be going to Florida in August! And then people keep asking me questions. So I'm here to answer them.

-Walt Disney World Internship

-Merchandise

-Until at least January, perhaps until May or so

-No

-If you ask that question one more time I'm going to get married and not invite you

-I'll miss most of you

-Yes, I will still kick bottomus during NaNoWriMo

-Ha ha no

-Yes

-Maybe I'm just prettier than you are

-Only if you buy me Swiss Cake Rolls

-Do you think I care?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Procrastinating

Perhaps bob shall write a new post. About...

*going to Florida

*taking care of children

*trying to find a job

*trying to write a script

*trying to write period

*failing classes

*watching Pride and Prejudice like five times in a row

*Procrastinating very important papers

*eating lots of junk, ensuring that her weight will shoot back up

*being so out of shape that walking from the RB up to the Bookstore nearly killed her

*missing people she shouldn't miss

*being weirded out by how her brother and his girlfriend talk about their eventual marriage and children

*blinding people with a bright yellow dress that has feathers on it

*planning to have her first solo recital ever

...

Nah. This list is enough words to count as a post, right? Who needs piddly things like details?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Report

Schedules made: 100%.

Average amount of schedule adhered to: 5%.

Homework completed: 90%.

Patience of mature roommate: estimated 43% of capacity.

Happiness: healthy 70%.

Suggestions for improvement: stick closer to schedules, clean room every day, do all homework in a timely fashion, and find more time to write.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Pi Day

I meant to do a post for pi day. I really did. But there were problems.

Some of you may remember last year's pi day post. That was pretty fun, but I didn't want to do a repeat of it, even though my opinion has changed on some things. And I couldn't think of some other clever idea involving numbers.

Also I'm a little annoyed to see that I remember exactly the same number of digits as last year. Way to not work on memorization.

And then I was going to ask my brother what I should do but I forgot.

So I will link to his blog instead.

Linked.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Erg

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I'll just say that I had to brush my teeth three times, I can hardly move, and I'm not allowed to touch Caiti. I am joined in my pain by Siri, Boo, and my father - so far. This kind of thing, in this kind of environment, usually gets everyone before leaving.

In short, don't come over today. You'll regret it.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Kissing

I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. And, well, so did everyone else. But I didn't expect it to happen so soon!

My sister has kissed a boy.

As I said, we knew this was coming. She was asked out on a date back when she was 14, and has been quite popular (in a good way, she's a beautiful and awesome girl) for as long as I can remember. And now, with her sixteenth birthday still 10 months away, she has kissed a boy.

Well, okay, only on the forehead. And only because the driver of the car she was in said that every girl had to kiss the only boy in the car before leaving. But still! It was a guy she likes, and the closest I've come to kissing someone was all that stage kissing...

... though me bringing that up did lead to an interesting discussion on why Random kissing a boy on the forehead due to peer pressure counted as a kiss, while me kissing a guy on the lips at least twice a night for several nights in a row didn't count as even one kiss.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Monopoly

The first game, between Siri and myself, ended just as Goober came home. (I won.)

"Hey, Goober, want to play Monopoly with us?"

"Only if we play the fast way."

So we started a new game. I was the hat (with a rabbit inside), Siri was the moneybag (which bounced up and down), and Goober was the car (which honked and danced a little). And we started with all of the properties delt out, the 'fast way' that Goober spoke of. (I did mention that we were playing this on my computer, right?)

Ten minutes in, precious little had happened, just some trading to make monopolies and a bit of cash changing hands.

Half an hour in, Goober had discovered how easy it was to get Siri to agree to a trade.

45 minutes in, Siri had completely lost interest, and Goober had 'acquired' more of her properties than should be legal.

About an hour in, I quickly grabbed one of Siri's utilities. Goober had already taken the other, and I didn't want her to have both of them.

An hour and a half in, we had moved to the kitchen to eat dinner, and I was playing with Goober's hair and watching as she played for everyone. I was really ready for Goober to go bankrupt; she'd been on the verge for most of the game. When she finally landed on one my hotel-ed properties, however, she made a trade with Siri: all of Siri's money and properties in return for Goober's get out of jail free card.

That was where I started to loose it.

Soon after, Siri went bankrupt to me, which meant I got... a get out of jail free card. Nice. (Especially since we'd set a house rule that bail was $0.)

But I had high hopes for bankrupting Goober. I had four monopolies with hotels, including Boardwalk, and she rarely had over $500, if that.

But she kept... hanging... on...

Shortly after the two hour mark, Goober went bankrupt. Or should have. Instead, she gave me all her properties and I gave her several thousand dollars (I had around $20,000 at the time). I, watching more than playing, let her. I unmortgaged all the properties... and then she tried to take them all back. I quickly put an end to that, giving her one monopoly and the railroads and utilities.

It wasn't until near the three hour mark that we finally put the game away - not finished, just saved. This is the longest quick game I have ever seen.

And all you people who called me a cheater during NaNo? Yeah. You have not seen cheating until you watch Goober play Monopoly on my computer.

Also, I have more than an entire roll of toilet paper and my nose is getting very, very raw. Splurging on some lotion-y tissues is definitely in order.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Characters

For those of who who missed Goober's triple post, I now have two roommates: my four-year-old sister and Goober herself.

We don't hate each other yet, so we must be doing something right.

Lately I've been doing my best to get back into writing, and really working on the second draft of my two NaNo novels. Heh. Not going so well. I'm trying to do outlines for the plot and characterization, and I'm having trouble with both. I am having so much trouble with characters, in fact, that I'm more or less putting my editing on hold to find and read some books and articles on characterization.

And this is LAME. I've always felt that I did well with characters - I come up with characters and then the story, I often half-know them before I even name them, things like that. But suddenly Kristy and Ezekiel and Willow and Ash and the others are the hardest things to pin down. They're all ending up with the exact same character traits, or the opposites. Some of them seem to have no traits at all.

And as a result, they're all refusing to speak with me and I can't get anything done.

BLAH.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Three Things

One - Yes, My Tribe is still taking up all of my time. I'm seriously thinking about getting rid of at least one tribe. Or putting it on pause, maybe?

Two - I really like this new TV show called Lie to Me. Quite soon after watching tonight's episode, I realized that, when I say a certain phrase that I know isn't true (but I say it at least twice a day anyway), I do the little mouth shrug and other things that would, to the astute watcher, show them that I was lying. Also, I really want to learn how to read people like they do on the show. It would be so cool.

Three - I'm reading Monstrous Regiment to my sister, and some of the characters say things like "Oh gods." I was sometimes saying that, sometimes replacing it, until Siri objected. So I started using "Bob" instead. This was hilarious, but after some debate it was decided that it sounded a little too similar. So we changed it to "Oh my Fred!"

Also, though I have My Tribe characters named after most of my friends, including real names and Board names (Fredjikrang was too long, though, so I had to go with Fredji), I have not been able to bring myself to name someone Bob, or even Robert.

Blast it, it's after 10 again. I should really get rid of one of those tribes.

Oh! Oh! One more thing! Are any of you who live in Provo free this Saturday from 6:00 AM to sometime in the late afternoon? You see, my friend Marnee really really needs judges for speech and debate - she has to bring at least 15 or so or her kids can't participate - and so far she has her husband, me, and Goober. And probably a couple of parents. There should be free food! And I might be able to convince my parents to let me take the car, so we could leave early and listen to my iPod there are back (and probably get lost four or five times...)! And if I had any money I would buy us lunch but I don't so um I'll give you a hug maybe? Or write a blog post singing your praises? And Marnee would love you.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wandering Narrative

For the first time since that one time I got so upset that I vowed to avoid virtual human contact, I have been spending very little time on the internet. I've been on my computer, yeah, but not on the internet. And not writing either.

I've been playing My Tribe.

I suppose I could compare it to Sims (I've never played, so I'm not 100% sure), only much simpler. Which also means less to do at any given time. I actually started three tribes so I could skip from one to another during the many hours I've been spending on my computer. (I don't know how I'm going to take care of them all, plus check on my sister's, but I'm going to try.)

I blame some unfortunate circumstances on Saturday that drove me to this game - and no, not those kind of circumstances. I hung out with Goober instead of with any sort of male. But, you see, it was one of Those Times - the times where I spend pointless time trying to figure out how I could drum up the money to move out, and how to counteract the guilt once I did so. Even when I had a job I wouldn't have been able to afford moving out, but sometimes things get so bad I try to figure it out anyway. Out of habit, now, I ponder housing signs posted in bathrooms and ask people how they like where they're living.

Anyway, a desire to do anything aside from go home got me playing, and the stress and consequent poor eating gave me the hours upon hours to continue doing so. Now if only we had actually apologized and not pretended to...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sisters

A brief rundown of tonight's events:

1. "I'm 10, but that doesn't mean I know how to pour drinks for myself without spilling."

2. Brekke = oxygen, Siri = spark, my mother = fuel. Result: my mother puts herself in time-out for yelling.

3. I'm the backup mother.

4. "Hey! Hey! I'm going to dance around and be really obnoxious, as obnoxious as a four-year-old can be!"

5. "Hey! Hey! I'm only nine months old, so you need to hold me! YES ALL THE TIME."

6. "Why do IIIIII always have to doooooo this????" "Because it's your night for dinner, and you do so little around the house that the least you can do is clean up the kitchen once a week." *massive 10-year-old groan*

7. "My leeeeeeeeg huuuuuuuuurts. Ow! Oooooooooow!" "You're not going to bed until you're done in here." *massive 10-year-old sulk*

8. "It's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime!" "You're not going to bed until you're done in here." *further sulking*

9. Somehow, the 10-year-old has no idea how to clean the kitchen and must be told each and every step at least three times.

10. Did I mention I was also dealing with a hyperactive four-year-old and a clingy nine-month-old at the same time?

11. *wild gasp* "Is that dad? Is that dad? Is dad home?" "Yes. Now finish sweeping." "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! I don't like her! She's mean to me!" *pouts*

12. "Hey! Now that I no longer have to clean the kitchen, I have no reason whatsoever to want to go to bed! Want to see how many times I can come out of my room? Huh? Huh???"

13. bob must read hilarious Twilight sporks in order to not go to bed fuming.

What joy.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Love

It seems an appropriate topic, though what caused me to write about it had nothing to do with the impending holiday o' love. : D

I recently watched a movie called My Brilliant Career for my film class. In class today, our teacher admitted that they chose it on purpose so all we students would be bothered. You see, it starts out like a Jane Austen movie - girl and boy meet, improve each other, and fall in love. And then he proposes and she says no - wait a second, that's not how it's supposed to go!

The fact that the movie does not end with the expected wedding and joy wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me - all feminists should stop reading now - was that she gave up the man she loved in order to be a writer. Well, the ending's a bit ambiguous, maybe she did end up with him or at least someone else sometime, but throughout the ending she repeatedly refused to marry the guy because she wanted to pursue a career.

And this bothered me. I fully realize that by thinking, and then saying, such a thing, there are those out there that will think I'm a repressed woman who falsely believes that I will only be whole when I have a man. However, I know this is not that case. So I did some deep thinking to figure out why this had bothered me so much.

And then I tried to write down all my wonderful philosophical insights and failed. : D

However, I will say one thing: I don't know that I would have been able to do it. I have dreams and hopes for my life just as the girl in the movie did, but I think, if I had to, I would choose the love over the career. I would need the love so badly that everything else diminished in the face of it. Perhaps some would say that no amount of love would fill in for achieving your dreams, and perhaps I would occasionally regret not trying for a career, but love, true, romantic, share-your-life-and-soul love, is something I would never pass up on.

I've known this for a long time, but until the last year or so it frightened me. Needing love like I do, like every human does - well, you get hurt sometimes. I have never suffered heartache romantically, but I have been hurt by friends, so I know a little of what it's like and I didn't want to know how much worse it could get. And I think it is this attitude that led me to have few friends, and to usually put myself before them.

But things started changing when I read an answer on the Board about love. One of the writers said something along the lines of "I love everyone I know." This made me think - do I love everyone I know? Well, why not? And if I did love everyone I knew, what would it look like? These are things that I have thought about a lot in the past year or so. And I know I'm not very good yet - just last week I learned another big lesson, and I'm pretty sure I hurt someone else in the process - but I am changing. Many of these changes have happened inside of me - I realize I see someone in a new light, mostly. Other changes are very noticeable. I have more friends, for one, and I'm starting to talk to them and hang out with them more. And then there's the nicknames, which I've slowly been discovering mean much more than I thought. You can tell how much I know and, yes, love someone by how many nicknames I call them, and often even I'm surprised when I take stock of what I call who. And, even more amusingly, I am now able to have fun flirting, and also take part in what we call 'girl talk' without making fun of everyone else or being all emo myself (mostly, and I do apologize to Goober for the times when I've slipped and acted dumb).

I know this post is far too long, and it's probably not very coherent, but I'm posting it anyway. : D

Sliding

"Hi dad! I just wanted to tell you - I know you and mom weren't worried about it, but by the time I got out of the neighborhood I was - that I did not get into any accidents and I did not loose control of the car. I probably should have taken your car. I'll try to get home within half an hour when my class is over. At least now I can be confident in my driving-in-the-snow skills."

Thursday, February 05, 2009

!!!

Shoot!

I still don't have a job or any money, and I made the mistake of looking at the limited edition shirt from the Board. And I want it. I really want it. But I have no money, literally no money. I mean, I have about $90. And I might not be getting a job until April

Anyone want to buy that for me? *is begging*

Have I Told You About My Sister Yet?

Point a camera at her, and she goes into ham mode.



And yes, she is posing herself.





No one, not even Draik (the only one that's not blond) has ever tried to pull the pull-a-face-as-the-flash-goes trick. She picked it up and perfected it on her own.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

A Spanish Restaurant

This mission took place on Tuesday, April 8, 2008, all in the P.M.

4:00 – Agent Bob meets Agent Fred outside the Spanish classroom. It was decided that Agent Fred would accompany Agent Bob as a final blow against The Annoyance.

4:10 – Everyone leaves the classroom. Agent Bob is driving a van, in which will be Agent Fred and Cambria, a civilian. Some embarrassment is expressed, as it appears that The Annoyance isn’t coming. Agent Fred doesn’t mind; he’s getting free food.

Later – Arrival at the restaurant. There is much standing in line. Agents Fred and Bob discuss what to get. Agent Bob confesses her fears about ordering in Spanish, and Agent Fred laughs at her. Kindly. And insists she can do it.

Later – Agent Bob successfully orders ‘numero tres con pollo y agua fresca.’

Later – Agent Bob is quite happy with her food, even though there are onions and spices. Direct quote: “Why must there be spices on everything?” “There aren’t. You’re just picky.”

Later – Agents Bob and Fred discuss their food; corn tortillas, beans, flavored rice, agua fresca, chicken, sour cream, all sorts of good stuff.

Later – There are many remarks about the flags and other general Mexican things in the restaurant.

5:30 – Having nothing more to talk about that concerns Spanish, Agents Fred and Bob decide to return to campus.

6:30 – Agent Bob’s mother is given the leftover food. Direct quote: “What’s this?” “Agua fresca. It’s like lemonade. Or is lemonade. Or something.”

Addendum – The problem of The Annoyance was declared more or less fixed the day after this mission, when The Annoyance talked to Agent Bob for the first time in over a week. While he does follow her from class to the photo counter in the Bookstore, this gives Agent Bob the opportunity to tell him she went with Agent Fred and they had so much fun and the food was so good… to bad he didn’t come. The Annoyance leaves quickly when Agent Bob’s father gets back to the photo counter.

This report was written on April 11, 2008 by Agent Bob.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Spanish Theater

This was my third cultural activity report for that first semester (my second wasn't funny).

This mission took place on Friday, March 21, 2008, all in the P.M.

4:55 – Agent Bob foolishly lets loose important information. Direct quote: “Are you going to the Theater?” “Yeah, I’m going tonight with my sister.” “Oh…”

5:00 – The Annoyance runs off to buy himself a ticket so he can attend Spanish Golden Age Theater with Agent Bob, the woman he’s desperately trying to woo despite the repeated phrase “I’m not interested.”

*unimportant events skipped*

7:15 – Agent Bob and Agent Random realize that they need to get over to the theater.

7:40 – Delayed by a flippin’ long bathroom break and hasty ice-cream eating, Agents Bob and Random enter the theater with The Annoyance. Happily, Agent Bob manages to get Agent Random to sit between her (bob) and The Annoyance.

7:40-8:00ish – Agents Bob and Random read through the free program and the purchased program, familiarizing themselves with the plots of the plays and being generally entertained. Agent Bob points out that the audience is supposed to participate in the plays; that was how Golden Age plays were written. Agent Random, usually very outgoing, is quite hesitant about agreeing to shout things out, due to a little problem she describes as, “I don’t know Spanish!”

*from this point, exact time is unknown*

Later – The first play is declared very entertaining, even if one does not know Spanish. Agent Bob refrains from acting smug. The Annoyance tries to gain attention. Agent Random discovers a repeated page replacing a needed one in the program and mourns the loss of the comic. Agent Bob points out that they have two programs.

Later – There is a whispered conversation between the two Agents when people in the audience start yelling. Agent Bob tells Agent Random that this was what she meant by ‘audience participation.’ Agent Random still refuses to participate.

Later – Agent Random dozes off and needs to be brought up to speed: they’re ignoring Apitito, who is trying to gain attention.

Later – Applause for the actors.

Later – Agent Bob learns that the girl going by ‘Desnudez’ was named ‘nudity,’ and that it means she was pure, innocent, etc.

Later – Agent Bob does her best to fill out the extra credit form. (Addendum: said form was lost, necessitating replacement, to be included with this report.)

Later – After banter, attempts to read about zombies, and a brilliant move on Agent Random’s part, Agent Bob is rescued from The Annoyance by the timely arrival of her father in the getaway car.

Addendum – The problem of The Annoyance was later eased with some quick moves on Agent Bob’s part and some help from Agent Brunette and Agent Fred. See Restaurant Report.

This report was written April 11, 2008, by Agent Bob.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Spanish TV

This is a report, a rather amusing report if I do say so myself, that I wrote for my Spanish class probably about a year ago. At that time, my brother known here as Draik was still living at home.

“Hey mom.” “What?” “I need to watch TV in Spanish again.” “Oh.”

With that, my mother, usually fastened to the couch or rocking chair from 4-10, departed for her bedroom. I shrugged and turned on the TV just in time to catch the beginning of our ‘favorite’ Spanish game show, A Que No Puedes!

“What does that mean, anyway?” Ty asked.

“Something like, ‘you can’t do this,’” I replied.

My dad had wandered into the room. “So they do all these stunts, and then the contestants have to try to do them?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

My sister Random turned from the TV to me with an odd look on her face. “bob, did he just…”

“Yes, he did just stare blatantly at that woman’s chest. They do that a lot on this channel. I’m sorry, I would watch a soap if any were on.”

Dad grinned. “You mean that ‘Diablo con los Guapos’ or something?”

“Or the Spanish ‘Desperate Housewives’?” Draik added.

“Yes. Like that. Now be quiet so I can watch this. I need to write a paper on it for my Spanish class.”

All was quiet for a while, as a typical game show got on much how a typical game show does, in Spanish or English. Only the ways to win money change; in this case, contestants get it by doing stunts.

“bob, why are there scantily clad dancers?” Poor, innocent, 12-year-old Ty was purposefully looking away from the screen.

I shrugged. “’Cause they can. Honestly, all the shows I’ve watched, aside from the soaps, have scantily clad dancers for apparently no reason. Apparently the Spanish channels don’t have as much of a sense of propriety as Americans do. Or, perhaps, Americans swear and are more violent on TV, and Spanish channels are more sensual. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV for a couple of minutes.

As A Que no Puedes! ended, Random looked at me again. “Who won?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the Spanish shows care more about the spectacle than the winning of money. Oh, look, the clown show is on!”

Draik turned away from the computer, where he was facebooking as if his life depended on it. “What? Why clowns? What happens?”

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

“bob, why are there scantily clad cat dancers?” Ty couldn’t get past the dancers, apparently.

“I don’t know. Aw, man, they didn’t do the armpit dance.”

Dad had wandered into the room again. “Armpit dance?”

“Yeah. The cat dancers go along in front of the front row of the audience and show them their armpits, while everyone pretends they are really stinky.”

“Why?” It doesn’t matter who said this, since everyone was thinking it.

“I have no idea.”

“Hey, bob, what are they saying?” This was Danny, looking up from the DS long enough to notice that there was something going on in the living room.

“Oh, the clown dude is instructing that other dude to profess his love to the cat dancer, as if they were actors in a movie or something.”

“Why?”

At this point, I turned my eyes heavenward. “I really don’t know. In fact, I don’t know why most of the things that happened on Spanish shows happen. They seem to have no purpose whatsoever. Makes you wonder how all these apparent traditions got started.”

“So a key factor in being a Spanish show is that you don’t make any sense?”

“Yeah, something along those lines.”

Danny went back to his DS-ing. “Spanish people are weird.”

I shrugged, which is something I seem to do a lot while watching Spanish TV. “Oh, look, they’re going to have people sing now.”

“Why?”

“If someone says that word again, I will send you all to bed. I don’t know why. It’s kinda like American Idol auditions, though, except it’s all a joke.”

“Is that one old woman really a man?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re putting honey on that guy’s head!”

“Yeah, they do that while people sing.”

“Put honey on their heads?”

“Well, do odd stuff in general. Like put wigs or sunglasses on them, or tie them up, or dump stuff on them. Oh, look, now the clown guy is going to sing. He has a good voice.”

“What’s he singing about?”

“Um… his heart, and how it belongs to a girl, and something about going to a restaurant.”

Draik gave me a skeptical look from the computer. “Don’t you know Spanish?”

“Not that well! I’m working on it, mmkay? And anyway, he’s singing kinda fast and stuff. Oh! Hey! I recognized that phrase – I learned it in Dance of the Cucumber. What a great song. I wonder if I could get extra credit for singing it in Spanish class. I could certainly use the points.”

“bob, are you almost done yet?”

I raised my eyebrows at Random. “You could go to bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“It’s past your bedtime. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV again. This time, I forgot to turn it on for a good ten minutes. “Blast, now I’ll have to watch more.”

“Why are you watching TV in Spanish, anyway?”

I gave Random an exasperated look. “I think I already went over this. I have to for my class, for a cultural activity. I have to observe something and write about how it differs from our culture, as well as noting any new words or phrases I learn.”

Random looked dismayed. “So you’ll have to do this again?”

“No. I can only do it once. Now hush, I need to pay attention. I don’t know if I’ve yet learned and observed enough to fill a page.”

Out of all that I learned from watching Spanish TV the other day, I think the thing I will remember the most is that I should never watch it with all my siblings in the room. Not only is some of it a little to adult for some of them, they can’t keep their mouths shut!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Things

Watching Goober eat seafood she's never had before is hilarious.

High School Musical 3 is hilarious.

I'm entirely unhappy that I left my camera in the car.

I'm still full.

My play refuses to be good.

And it's due tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Someday She'll Be A Star

Last night, mother, Siri and I were watching the American Idol auditions at my insistence. (I don't watch the actual show, just the auditions.) This put Siri and me into very singing moods, I as I did dishes during the commercials and she, well, all the time.

At one point she made this odd "Ahhh-ooo" or something sound, and then sang "Bow chicka bow bow" and did actions. I was quite amused and told her that she should do it again while I filmed her.

This is what she came up with.




If anyone knows how to get this video not-sideways, I'd be most grateful if you'd share that information with me.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Poor Caitlin

Caiti doesn't like some of the toys she recently inherited from her older sister Siri. Topping her list of dislikes is this toy:

Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Three and a Half: It's Easy Painting Green

Sometimes I wonder why I capitalize everything in any title I write. I don't yet have an answer.

Now to go on about that artisticness...


This was me. As I said before, I was inspired by the green paint.


Random's hand print. Doesn't show up nearly as well as white on blue. Also, Random didn't have much paint on her hand when she pressed it against the wall.


Goober's only contribution this time.


This was where I imprisoned Goober so that she would do the fiddly bits for me. *evil cackle*


Getting paint on the door was an accident. After that, well, I'm always one who wants to take the easy road, so we painted the door instead of cleaning off the paint. I'm glad we did. It looks nice now.

The Room Adventures, while far from over, seem to be over for the time being. I have one more post, one more set of pictures, and then I'll be done for a while. It's been fun!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Options

1. Stick it out in Spanish this semester, hopefully getting a doctor's note and working with the university to make it easier.

2. Drop Spanish this semester and work at getting better at not getting myself sick so I can take Spanish later.

3. Taking math is not an option.

4. Try to get into ASL. Learning hand motions for English words has got to be better for my poor befuddled mind than learning new words and verbs and tenses and sentence structures and stuff.

5. Dying is not an option.

6. School is important.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Bulletin

The Room Adventures coverage has been slightly postponed due to massive headaches. It is tentatively scheduled to return to regular broadcasting tomorrow, depending on how bad the headaches are and how well bob manages her time.

Thank you for your attention and concern.

-The Boss

Saturday, January 03, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Three: Distracted by Shelving

Yesterday there was more than painting to do. School starts next week, and I had books to buy. First was a trip to the bank to get a new card and to make sure that the grant had been deposited (yay grant!), then to BYU to buy my one textbook and other supplies. Money spent on school: less than $200.

Then off to do some room-related errands!


The wallpaper store where we finally bought the paint. We'd realized that we needed to do more than one coat, and so needed more than one can, and since we were insisting on mistint paint we got a whitish color and a light green, assured that the green would mix in and be even lighter.

We couldn't find the exact primer we'd used at the wallpaper store, and we needed some more of that, so we headed off for Lowe's again. And here was where we were distracted.

Distracted by shelving.


I need shelves in my room, you see; I have much stuff, and I'll be down to one carroll by the end of this. So we got some shelves.


Apparently we were gone a bit too long. (Random and Siri had come along for the ride, but we'd left them in the car.)

And, well, despite how long we'd been out already, I was now remembering that I needed new rugs too. So it was off to WalMart!


Goober vetoed this rug. We eventually got some cream colored ones, and finally finally headed home. With chocolate. Blasted Valentine's Day sale...

We finished up the primer - there hadn't been much to do - and got out the green and white paint.


All marbleized and pretty before we mixed it together properly.

Now to paint!

We're something of a creative lot, so of course we can't just paint. Oh no. We had started playing back with the first coat of primer.


Goober's handprints.


I started this flower, but Goober finished it. I particularly like the little leaf.


This started out as a regular smiley face - just two lines for eyes, a line for a mouth, and a tongue. Then Goober kept going, adding hair, the rest of the head, a neck (I thought it was a goatee at first) and a shirt. I snapped the picture as soon as I had stopped laughing.


But Goober was not satisfied with it, and she continued even after I'd gotten the picture. She added so much that I really thought we'd be missing out if I didn't take another picture.

The white on the dark blue was really fun - it stood out a lot. But green on white was fun too. I was the first to draw something.

A something that blogger refuses to load. Rrrg. Well, stay tuned for part three and a half, I suppose.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Two and a Half: The Shoe of Life


Well here's the picture of Siri that blogger refused to put up earlier. I wonder why they don't like her.


Taking down things in the wall... which prompted even more jokes of a risqué nature.


Time for priming! Exciting!


And this time we'll make Random do the fiddly bits.

The Room Adventures, Part Two: Fiddly Bits

The stripping continues!


While Goober continued working on the huge patches, I got the stepladder and started working on all the bits left up near the ceiling. And here is where I found a phrase I love to say and describes the bane of my existence: fiddly bits.

These are fiddly bits. They sit there, taunting me, purposely only coming off in tiny pieces while Goober stands there pulling off entire sheets at one go.

There had been fiddly bits earlier too.

All these little bits that had to be picked up and put away... it's so much more fun to carry around boxes and bags of stuff, not pick up little bits of trash and little things to put away.

There is not yet a picture of me in these Adventures so here's me pulling down some fiddly bits:



Finally all the wallpaper was down, aside from little bits that would come off with scrubbing. So we took off on a trip, intending to buy paint and sponges for scrubbing.

After trips to a fabric store, a craft store, a closed paint store, and WalMart, we had purchased a ceiling (more on that later), some food, and sponges. No paint. Not yet. And sadly, there are no pictures of this epic trip.



Now to scrub the walls! With all the lingering white bits gone, Goober noticed that the patches that had been repaired years ago looked like clouds.



Now it was time to put primer on the walls, and it was at this point that Camryn became a real nuisance.



Cute, but in the way.

And here is where I get so frustrated with the way blogger keeps refusing to upload my photos that I give up and leave the story of the primer for another time.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Room Adventures, Part One: Stripping in the Basement

Goober hates it when my room is messy. Hates it. When she first said we would be cleaning my room together, I wasn't surprised. What did surprise me was that she meant it - I had taken it as a subtle hint that I should really clean my room.

Several months later, she was once again sure that we should clean my room - thoroughly.


Oh, I know the fridge there and the edge of the carroll look messy, but that wall is missing posters, papers, necklaces and the like hung from pins, my mirror, and a bookshelf that should be off to the right there.


That wall, obviously, still has its posters and junk. And there's another carroll. And Siri's chest of drawers. And bookshelves. And stuff hanging from the ceiling.

Have I told you about my ceiling yet?

This ceiling? Or lack thereof?

I am much in the habit of hanging things from it. It can be quite useful at times.

And there's my closet. And the scoring on the wallpaper that I did when I was ten or something.

I had to clean out my fridge before moving it.



Maybe I should clean out my fridge a little more often. (If you guessed that that's a chunk of cheese there, you win the prize!)

And things over here are vanishing too! And DUST!

Are you wondering where we're putting all this stuff?

In the boy's bathroom, meaning that we couldn't shut the door and were therefore forced to put up this makeshift door.

In the hallway in front of the door to the boy's room. (And no, I couldn't be bothered to turn these pictures properly. You try doing what I did today and then see how much you want to fiddle with images.)

In the family room, piled on top of junk that was already there.

In boxes in the family room.

Tomorrow I'll put up a picture of what the family room looks like right now. For the moment I'll leave you with one word: inaccessible.

Wow... it's all empty-like.

Ducks! Also, the age-old question: my room is the darkest in the house. I never get direct sunlight. So what idiot decided to paint and wallpaper in dark colors??

I think it's time for that dark wallpaper to go down.









All that stripping left me and Goober with appetites, and so we quit and feasted on festive New Year's Eve snacks.

What was I doing New Year's? Stripping in the basement.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Huzzah?

It seems we have officially pinpointed what is making me sick this time. Yay! Except that we can only be so sure because I'm sick right now. My mother will be keeping an eye on me for the next couple of days to make sure I'm at least getting water in me, and after that I should be recovering again.

Yay?

In other news, the hamster that my sister was promised for Christmas was purchased. She's a pretty little thing, and I would post a picture of her if, you know, I had one. Taking pictures of a hamster is a little hard when one is confined to the couch. Boo named her Rocky and is a little obsessed by it. I feel rather guilty about the fact that I purposely pay more attention to her when she's looking in the cage, ready to pounce on any hamster lore she made up or order her away when I think she's been there too long. I'm a jerk, but sometimes that poor thing just wants to be left alone.

Ow.

Unfortunately, things have been so *something* that I had to abandon my Twelve Days of Christmas stuff, unless I feel like trying to catch up today which is unlikely.

And right now I would like to fall asleep.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Rock Band

Patsy, the non-singer of the family (can sing but doesn't, so doesn't have as much training as the rest of us): best at the mic.

Draik, bob, Random (aka the singers): good at everything but mic.

Best way to watch while not playing: lie on the floor under the TV and watch it upside down.

Only way to get Siri out of our hair: let her play drums every once and a while (and then redo the song) or turn of the mic or guitar and give it to her.

Cait: in the way.

Wrists: hurting.

Hilarity: ensues.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

My Genius Brother - Again

You remember this guy? Well, he's just told me that he has a blog. It's called The Legend of Dextrose, and it may be rather amusing at times. Especially if he starts putting his comics up regularly.

So... y'all should go check it out? 'Cause he's my brother and all, you know.

So Much Scrooge

So, apparently, when I've been up since seven and watching Scrooge movies since nine AM and it's now past nine PM, I go a little batty.

For one thing, after that many movies, the Scrooges start seeming very stupid. "What are you doing? Haven't you learned yet? Are you going to let Belle/Emily/Alice go again? Why are you still surprised by these ghosts? How could you not know about Tiny Tim? You've saved his life five times already! How are you not realizing that you're the dead guy they're talking about? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN.

And then there's the actor-in-training in me that notices all the things wrong with the movie and the actors. I do that all the time, but when it starts getting late I start saying things out loud. Usually people would tell me to shut up, but last night we were all a little batty and I actually got laughs instead.

Yes.

But there were many happy things yesterday that either saved me from going insane or made going insane more fun (not quite sure yet). Things such as dead people, covered in chains and coming through the floors and walls and ceiling while singing; Scrooge singing a song about how he hates people; memorizing the "boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart" line without trying; discovering that, out of eleven movies, only three Ghosts of Christmas Past were male, all Ghosts of Christmas Present were male, and only one Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come was female; guessing what parts/names are actually in the story (I've never read it); and have I mentioned the "I hate people" song? And that pole-dancing barely-dressed Ghost of Christmas Past in particular was pretty interesting.

We've all learned a lot this year. Next year, the Sesame Street one will be on at eight in the morning, we'll ditch about three of the movies entirely, the offerings will be more than scones and hot chocolate (sugar overload ahoy!) and we'll have a lunch break. We'll also probably have five-minute breaks between movies to get some cleaning done so we don't have it all to do the next day, so if you're planning to come next year, save potty breaks for after the movie. : D

I would say that was enough of Scrooge movies to last me the rest of the year, but we're already planning to watch two of them again today, so I suppose I'd be lying.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'm rather sad that I didn't take pictures at that party last night, but then I still don't know where my camera cord is and my new one won't be coming until next week, so I wouldn't be able to put them up yesterday.

But there was a party yesterday, even if I have no pictures of it. (No, wait, I have maybe two pictures. And then there was that time I let Siri use my camera...)

This was probably our least boisterous party to date. Goober/Sexy Paper Snowflake and I arrived in remarkably high spirits, but sleep-deprived Fred did a good job of getting us all down and the party was past over by 10:00.

Don't worry, Fred, love you anyway. ; )

I also wasn't my favorite party because Siri was being a complete brat half of the time (at one point she was an extremely embarrassing brat...) and I rammed my pinkie toe into a chair at one point and, as such, have been hobbling around all day.

Final final tomorrow; hopefully my toe will feel better. And hopefully I'll get some studying done.

Bedtime!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

AHHHHHHHH!

So, today was the day I had set aside to get my Music 201 test done. It's a test that takes several hours for me, since I don't do the reading, often don't go to class, and often don't take notes when I do go to class; but it's an online test and open book, so I don't flunk.

So, I pretty much spent the whole day on it, with breaks for interneting, taking care of siblings, and eating. At 7 PM I finally hit "submit."

And then an error happened.

I freaked out and hurried back to look at the test. My grades showed that I was still taking it. I opened the test again.

Questions 1-15 were the only ones done.

I freaked out again. I groaned and carried my sister in to the living room (somehow it was my job to hold her most of the day, despite the fact that I was taking a final) and grumped at my mother, who was properly sorry. I sat back down and unhappily told my siblings, also sitting at the dinner table, that I had to do most of the test over again.

And then Random burst into song.

"When the news is all bad
When you're sour and blue
When you start to get mad
You should do what I do:
Tell yourself how lucky you are!

When your life's going wrong
When the fates are unkind
When you're limping along
And get kicked from behind
Tell yourself how lucky you are!

Why decry a cloudy sky
An empty purse
A crazy universe
My philosophy is simply:
Things could be worse!

So be happy you're here
Think of life as a thrill!
And when worst comes to worst
As we all know it will
Thank your lucky stars you've gotten this far
And tell yourself how lucky you are."

It's from Suessical, a song called "How Lucky You Are." The Cat in the Hat sings it to the Whos as they're falling through the air toward almost certain doom.

In another half hour, I had finished the test for a second time, and submitted my score. 84%. Not bad.

Hi, Random. This one's for you.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Good To Know


I think I'll be a good mother.

Today was a hard day. I was trying to get homework done, homework that was actually due on Thursday and that will fail me if I don't turn it in. And my mother was gone, so I was the primary caretaker (dad needs direct orders most of the time in order to be of much help ; D). And Boo was so rrrg. And Siri was desperate for more attention, desperate to get in the way, and possessing more energy than she knew what to do with.

And yet, aside from one outburst, I was able to deal with everything calmly, even getting Boo to clean the living room, the rest of the children to do their chores, dinner made, Boo and Siri bathed in record time and off to bed, and Caiti fed, dressed, and in bed. I may not have gotten all my homework done, but I do feel somewhat accomplished all the same.