Wednesday, April 22, 2009


My friends, I must admit it: I am obsessed with Twilight. I have denied it for as long as I could, but the truth must come out.

I can't help it. It has bewitched me and ensnared me and dazzled me...

Many are the hours I have spent mocking the heroine (and the heroin), laughing hysterically at the movie and books, reading articles against it and agreeing and reading articles for it to mock them. I have risked public beating because I insist on insulting the so-called characters and so-called plot whenever possible. I have seen the movie several times, each time bringing more and more friends to mock it with me. I have even arranged a Twilight movie party, to which all of my friends, several acquaintances, and one aunt are invited to. (Actually, not all of my friends. One of them has already beat upon me while I mocked Twilight, and I do not want a repeat.)

It's gotten to the point where my mother, upon seeing a box of "Forbidden Fruits," that is, Twilight-themed conversation hearts, immediately bought them for me.

They come in a black box, with a quite emo-looking Edward/RPattz on the front (at least this one does, it says it's "2 of 3"). The box insists that "The Forbidden Fruit Tastes The Sweetest," I guess thinking that Talking In Capitalized Words Makes You Cool (actually, it just makes me think of Mr. Pump), and boasts a "Secret Scent Rub to Reveal..." Someone should probably tell them that abusing ellipsis doesn't make them mysterious. The hearts themselves come in the flavors Orange Obsession, Tempting Apple, Passion Fruit, and Secret Strawberry. They say things like "soul mate" "bite me" "dazzle" "lamb" "I trust you" "u r my life," and some of them are even sparkly. Nope. Not making that up. Some of the hearts are sparkly.

This greatly amuses me, although I think they were a little off. The flavors, for start. Why aren't any of them blood flavored? (Dextrose in particular was annoyed with that.) Then there's the halfhearted attempt at alliteration. I suppose, due to the other sayings on the box, "Passion Fruit" could hardly be avoided, but apple could have been Ambrosial Apple or Angelic Apple Adoring Apple or Apple Of My Eye or something. Of course, I think that even with alliteration they're off. Orange Obsession was fine, but Secret Strawberry? How about... Stalking Strawberry? (Or maybe StephanieBella StrawBerry? Oo, I am clever.) My mother didn't go for Abusive Apple, so I also came up with Awful Apple (pretty bad, I know) and Ancient Apple. And then how about Freaky Fruit, Furry Fruit (Team Jacob!), or Fangirl Fruit? ('Fruit' is a weird word.)

Mmkay, so now I have a box of conversation hearts that taste like Stalking Strawberry, Ancient Apple, Orange Obsession, and Fangirl Fruit. Yum. Now for the sayings on the hearts. "spider monkey!" "my drug" "108-year-old virgin" "wind chimes" "*~sparkle~*" "Team James" "twinkletoes" "demon baby" and "angle marble cupcake adonis" (although that one would have to be in pretty small writing).

And yes, I wrote this post instead of studying for my exams. : D

P.S. I now own all three of the different boxes (emo Edward, emo Bella, and emo Cullen clan, how original!) and the fruit flavors are really... odd.

No comments: