Saturday, January 31, 2009

Spanish Theater

This was my third cultural activity report for that first semester (my second wasn't funny).

This mission took place on Friday, March 21, 2008, all in the P.M.

4:55 – Agent Bob foolishly lets loose important information. Direct quote: “Are you going to the Theater?” “Yeah, I’m going tonight with my sister.” “Oh…”

5:00 – The Annoyance runs off to buy himself a ticket so he can attend Spanish Golden Age Theater with Agent Bob, the woman he’s desperately trying to woo despite the repeated phrase “I’m not interested.”

*unimportant events skipped*

7:15 – Agent Bob and Agent Random realize that they need to get over to the theater.

7:40 – Delayed by a flippin’ long bathroom break and hasty ice-cream eating, Agents Bob and Random enter the theater with The Annoyance. Happily, Agent Bob manages to get Agent Random to sit between her (bob) and The Annoyance.

7:40-8:00ish – Agents Bob and Random read through the free program and the purchased program, familiarizing themselves with the plots of the plays and being generally entertained. Agent Bob points out that the audience is supposed to participate in the plays; that was how Golden Age plays were written. Agent Random, usually very outgoing, is quite hesitant about agreeing to shout things out, due to a little problem she describes as, “I don’t know Spanish!”

*from this point, exact time is unknown*

Later – The first play is declared very entertaining, even if one does not know Spanish. Agent Bob refrains from acting smug. The Annoyance tries to gain attention. Agent Random discovers a repeated page replacing a needed one in the program and mourns the loss of the comic. Agent Bob points out that they have two programs.

Later – There is a whispered conversation between the two Agents when people in the audience start yelling. Agent Bob tells Agent Random that this was what she meant by ‘audience participation.’ Agent Random still refuses to participate.

Later – Agent Random dozes off and needs to be brought up to speed: they’re ignoring Apitito, who is trying to gain attention.

Later – Applause for the actors.

Later – Agent Bob learns that the girl going by ‘Desnudez’ was named ‘nudity,’ and that it means she was pure, innocent, etc.

Later – Agent Bob does her best to fill out the extra credit form. (Addendum: said form was lost, necessitating replacement, to be included with this report.)

Later – After banter, attempts to read about zombies, and a brilliant move on Agent Random’s part, Agent Bob is rescued from The Annoyance by the timely arrival of her father in the getaway car.

Addendum – The problem of The Annoyance was later eased with some quick moves on Agent Bob’s part and some help from Agent Brunette and Agent Fred. See Restaurant Report.

This report was written April 11, 2008, by Agent Bob.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Spanish TV

This is a report, a rather amusing report if I do say so myself, that I wrote for my Spanish class probably about a year ago. At that time, my brother known here as Draik was still living at home.

“Hey mom.” “What?” “I need to watch TV in Spanish again.” “Oh.”

With that, my mother, usually fastened to the couch or rocking chair from 4-10, departed for her bedroom. I shrugged and turned on the TV just in time to catch the beginning of our ‘favorite’ Spanish game show, A Que No Puedes!

“What does that mean, anyway?” Ty asked.

“Something like, ‘you can’t do this,’” I replied.

My dad had wandered into the room. “So they do all these stunts, and then the contestants have to try to do them?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

My sister Random turned from the TV to me with an odd look on her face. “bob, did he just…”

“Yes, he did just stare blatantly at that woman’s chest. They do that a lot on this channel. I’m sorry, I would watch a soap if any were on.”

Dad grinned. “You mean that ‘Diablo con los Guapos’ or something?”

“Or the Spanish ‘Desperate Housewives’?” Draik added.

“Yes. Like that. Now be quiet so I can watch this. I need to write a paper on it for my Spanish class.”

All was quiet for a while, as a typical game show got on much how a typical game show does, in Spanish or English. Only the ways to win money change; in this case, contestants get it by doing stunts.

“bob, why are there scantily clad dancers?” Poor, innocent, 12-year-old Ty was purposefully looking away from the screen.

I shrugged. “’Cause they can. Honestly, all the shows I’ve watched, aside from the soaps, have scantily clad dancers for apparently no reason. Apparently the Spanish channels don’t have as much of a sense of propriety as Americans do. Or, perhaps, Americans swear and are more violent on TV, and Spanish channels are more sensual. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV for a couple of minutes.

As A Que no Puedes! ended, Random looked at me again. “Who won?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the Spanish shows care more about the spectacle than the winning of money. Oh, look, the clown show is on!”

Draik turned away from the computer, where he was facebooking as if his life depended on it. “What? Why clowns? What happens?”

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

“bob, why are there scantily clad cat dancers?” Ty couldn’t get past the dancers, apparently.

“I don’t know. Aw, man, they didn’t do the armpit dance.”

Dad had wandered into the room again. “Armpit dance?”

“Yeah. The cat dancers go along in front of the front row of the audience and show them their armpits, while everyone pretends they are really stinky.”

“Why?” It doesn’t matter who said this, since everyone was thinking it.

“I have no idea.”

“Hey, bob, what are they saying?” This was Danny, looking up from the DS long enough to notice that there was something going on in the living room.

“Oh, the clown dude is instructing that other dude to profess his love to the cat dancer, as if they were actors in a movie or something.”


At this point, I turned my eyes heavenward. “I really don’t know. In fact, I don’t know why most of the things that happened on Spanish shows happen. They seem to have no purpose whatsoever. Makes you wonder how all these apparent traditions got started.”

“So a key factor in being a Spanish show is that you don’t make any sense?”

“Yeah, something along those lines.”

Danny went back to his DS-ing. “Spanish people are weird.”

I shrugged, which is something I seem to do a lot while watching Spanish TV. “Oh, look, they’re going to have people sing now.”


“If someone says that word again, I will send you all to bed. I don’t know why. It’s kinda like American Idol auditions, though, except it’s all a joke.”

“Is that one old woman really a man?”


“They’re putting honey on that guy’s head!”

“Yeah, they do that while people sing.”

“Put honey on their heads?”

“Well, do odd stuff in general. Like put wigs or sunglasses on them, or tie them up, or dump stuff on them. Oh, look, now the clown guy is going to sing. He has a good voice.”

“What’s he singing about?”

“Um… his heart, and how it belongs to a girl, and something about going to a restaurant.”

Draik gave me a skeptical look from the computer. “Don’t you know Spanish?”

“Not that well! I’m working on it, mmkay? And anyway, he’s singing kinda fast and stuff. Oh! Hey! I recognized that phrase – I learned it in Dance of the Cucumber. What a great song. I wonder if I could get extra credit for singing it in Spanish class. I could certainly use the points.”

“bob, are you almost done yet?”

I raised my eyebrows at Random. “You could go to bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“It’s past your bedtime. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV again. This time, I forgot to turn it on for a good ten minutes. “Blast, now I’ll have to watch more.”

“Why are you watching TV in Spanish, anyway?”

I gave Random an exasperated look. “I think I already went over this. I have to for my class, for a cultural activity. I have to observe something and write about how it differs from our culture, as well as noting any new words or phrases I learn.”

Random looked dismayed. “So you’ll have to do this again?”

“No. I can only do it once. Now hush, I need to pay attention. I don’t know if I’ve yet learned and observed enough to fill a page.”

Out of all that I learned from watching Spanish TV the other day, I think the thing I will remember the most is that I should never watch it with all my siblings in the room. Not only is some of it a little to adult for some of them, they can’t keep their mouths shut!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Watching Goober eat seafood she's never had before is hilarious.

High School Musical 3 is hilarious.

I'm entirely unhappy that I left my camera in the car.

I'm still full.

My play refuses to be good.

And it's due tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Someday She'll Be A Star

Last night, mother, Siri and I were watching the American Idol auditions at my insistence. (I don't watch the actual show, just the auditions.) This put Siri and me into very singing moods, I as I did dishes during the commercials and she, well, all the time.

At one point she made this odd "Ahhh-ooo" or something sound, and then sang "Bow chicka bow bow" and did actions. I was quite amused and told her that she should do it again while I filmed her.

This is what she came up with.

If anyone knows how to get this video not-sideways, I'd be most grateful if you'd share that information with me.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Poor Caitlin

Caiti doesn't like some of the toys she recently inherited from her older sister Siri. Topping her list of dislikes is this toy:

Thursday, January 08, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Three and a Half: It's Easy Painting Green

Sometimes I wonder why I capitalize everything in any title I write. I don't yet have an answer.

Now to go on about that artisticness...

This was me. As I said before, I was inspired by the green paint.

Random's hand print. Doesn't show up nearly as well as white on blue. Also, Random didn't have much paint on her hand when she pressed it against the wall.

Goober's only contribution this time.

This was where I imprisoned Goober so that she would do the fiddly bits for me. *evil cackle*

Getting paint on the door was an accident. After that, well, I'm always one who wants to take the easy road, so we painted the door instead of cleaning off the paint. I'm glad we did. It looks nice now.

The Room Adventures, while far from over, seem to be over for the time being. I have one more post, one more set of pictures, and then I'll be done for a while. It's been fun!

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


1. Stick it out in Spanish this semester, hopefully getting a doctor's note and working with the university to make it easier.

2. Drop Spanish this semester and work at getting better at not getting myself sick so I can take Spanish later.

3. Taking math is not an option.

4. Try to get into ASL. Learning hand motions for English words has got to be better for my poor befuddled mind than learning new words and verbs and tenses and sentence structures and stuff.

5. Dying is not an option.

6. School is important.

Sunday, January 04, 2009


The Room Adventures coverage has been slightly postponed due to massive headaches. It is tentatively scheduled to return to regular broadcasting tomorrow, depending on how bad the headaches are and how well bob manages her time.

Thank you for your attention and concern.

-The Boss

Saturday, January 03, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Three: Distracted by Shelving

Yesterday there was more than painting to do. School starts next week, and I had books to buy. First was a trip to the bank to get a new card and to make sure that the grant had been deposited (yay grant!), then to BYU to buy my one textbook and other supplies. Money spent on school: less than $200.

Then off to do some room-related errands!

The wallpaper store where we finally bought the paint. We'd realized that we needed to do more than one coat, and so needed more than one can, and since we were insisting on mistint paint we got a whitish color and a light green, assured that the green would mix in and be even lighter.

We couldn't find the exact primer we'd used at the wallpaper store, and we needed some more of that, so we headed off for Lowe's again. And here was where we were distracted.

Distracted by shelving.

I need shelves in my room, you see; I have much stuff, and I'll be down to one carroll by the end of this. So we got some shelves.

Apparently we were gone a bit too long. (Random and Siri had come along for the ride, but we'd left them in the car.)

And, well, despite how long we'd been out already, I was now remembering that I needed new rugs too. So it was off to WalMart!

Goober vetoed this rug. We eventually got some cream colored ones, and finally finally headed home. With chocolate. Blasted Valentine's Day sale...

We finished up the primer - there hadn't been much to do - and got out the green and white paint.

All marbleized and pretty before we mixed it together properly.

Now to paint!

We're something of a creative lot, so of course we can't just paint. Oh no. We had started playing back with the first coat of primer.

Goober's handprints.

I started this flower, but Goober finished it. I particularly like the little leaf.

This started out as a regular smiley face - just two lines for eyes, a line for a mouth, and a tongue. Then Goober kept going, adding hair, the rest of the head, a neck (I thought it was a goatee at first) and a shirt. I snapped the picture as soon as I had stopped laughing.

But Goober was not satisfied with it, and she continued even after I'd gotten the picture. She added so much that I really thought we'd be missing out if I didn't take another picture.

The white on the dark blue was really fun - it stood out a lot. But green on white was fun too. I was the first to draw something.

A something that blogger refuses to load. Rrrg. Well, stay tuned for part three and a half, I suppose.

Friday, January 02, 2009

The Room Adventures, Part Two and a Half: The Shoe of Life

Well here's the picture of Siri that blogger refused to put up earlier. I wonder why they don't like her.

Taking down things in the wall... which prompted even more jokes of a risqué nature.

Time for priming! Exciting!

And this time we'll make Random do the fiddly bits.

The Room Adventures, Part Two: Fiddly Bits

The stripping continues!

While Goober continued working on the huge patches, I got the stepladder and started working on all the bits left up near the ceiling. And here is where I found a phrase I love to say and describes the bane of my existence: fiddly bits.

These are fiddly bits. They sit there, taunting me, purposely only coming off in tiny pieces while Goober stands there pulling off entire sheets at one go.

There had been fiddly bits earlier too.

All these little bits that had to be picked up and put away... it's so much more fun to carry around boxes and bags of stuff, not pick up little bits of trash and little things to put away.

There is not yet a picture of me in these Adventures so here's me pulling down some fiddly bits:

Finally all the wallpaper was down, aside from little bits that would come off with scrubbing. So we took off on a trip, intending to buy paint and sponges for scrubbing.

After trips to a fabric store, a craft store, a closed paint store, and WalMart, we had purchased a ceiling (more on that later), some food, and sponges. No paint. Not yet. And sadly, there are no pictures of this epic trip.

Now to scrub the walls! With all the lingering white bits gone, Goober noticed that the patches that had been repaired years ago looked like clouds.

Now it was time to put primer on the walls, and it was at this point that Camryn became a real nuisance.

Cute, but in the way.

And here is where I get so frustrated with the way blogger keeps refusing to upload my photos that I give up and leave the story of the primer for another time.