Middle Name

It's all Goober's fault.

Well, maybe not totally. Okay, so maybe it's a lot my fault.

In my life I have gone by several names. When I was younger, I more often heard nicknames than my full name. Later I went by Mariel every so often. Right now, if someone says "bob" I look up.

The other day I will filling out my acceptance to the Disney World program, and I came across "What do you want on your name tag?" I put in my first name, then started thinking about how interesting it might be to go by my middle name. It's a very nice middle name, classical and traditional. And, I admit, it's the name of one of my favorite Jane Austen characters. So I jokingly suggested I put it on my name tag. Goober thought it was a brilliant idea, to the point where I actually typed it in... and then accidentally hit enter.

It wouldn't let me go back to that page.

So it looks like I'll be going by my middle name for a few months. I hope I get used to it quickly.

Twilight

My friends, I must admit it: I am obsessed with Twilight. I have denied it for as long as I could, but the truth must come out.

I can't help it. It has bewitched me and ensnared me and dazzled me...

Many are the hours I have spent mocking the heroine (and the heroin), laughing hysterically at the movie and books, reading articles against it and agreeing and reading articles for it to mock them. I have risked public beating because I insist on insulting the so-called characters and so-called plot whenever possible. I have seen the movie several times, each time bringing more and more friends to mock it with me. I have even arranged a Twilight movie party, to which all of my friends, several acquaintances, and one aunt are invited to. (Actually, not all of my friends. One of them has already beat upon me while I mocked Twilight, and I do not want a repeat.)

It's gotten to the point where my mother, upon seeing a box of "Forbidden Fruits," that is, Twilight-themed conversation hearts, immediately bought them for me.

They come in a black box, with a quite emo-looking Edward/RPattz on the front (at least this one does, it says it's "2 of 3"). The box insists that "The Forbidden Fruit Tastes The Sweetest," I guess thinking that Talking In Capitalized Words Makes You Cool (actually, it just makes me think of Mr. Pump), and boasts a "Secret Scent Rub to Reveal..." Someone should probably tell them that abusing ellipsis doesn't make them mysterious. The hearts themselves come in the flavors Orange Obsession, Tempting Apple, Passion Fruit, and Secret Strawberry. They say things like "soul mate" "bite me" "dazzle" "lamb" "I trust you" "u r my life," and some of them are even sparkly. Nope. Not making that up. Some of the hearts are sparkly.

This greatly amuses me, although I think they were a little off. The flavors, for start. Why aren't any of them blood flavored? (Dextrose in particular was annoyed with that.) Then there's the halfhearted attempt at alliteration. I suppose, due to the other sayings on the box, "Passion Fruit" could hardly be avoided, but apple could have been Ambrosial Apple or Angelic Apple Adoring Apple or Apple Of My Eye or something. Of course, I think that even with alliteration they're off. Orange Obsession was fine, but Secret Strawberry? How about... Stalking Strawberry? (Or maybe StephanieBella StrawBerry? Oo, I am clever.) My mother didn't go for Abusive Apple, so I also came up with Awful Apple (pretty bad, I know) and Ancient Apple. And then how about Freaky Fruit, Furry Fruit (Team Jacob!), or Fangirl Fruit? ('Fruit' is a weird word.)

Mmkay, so now I have a box of conversation hearts that taste like Stalking Strawberry, Ancient Apple, Orange Obsession, and Fangirl Fruit. Yum. Now for the sayings on the hearts. "spider monkey!" "my drug" "108-year-old virgin" "wind chimes" "*~sparkle~*" "Team James" "twinkletoes" "demon baby" and "angle marble cupcake adonis" (although that one would have to be in pretty small writing).

And yes, I wrote this post instead of studying for my exams. : D

P.S. I now own all three of the different boxes (emo Edward, emo Bella, and emo Cullen clan, how original!) and the fruit flavors are really... odd.

Florida

So I've been pretty excited these past few days because I'm going to be going to Florida in August! And then people keep asking me questions. So I'm here to answer them.

-Walt Disney World Internship

-Merchandise

-Until at least January, perhaps until May or so

-No

-If you ask that question one more time I'm going to get married and not invite you

-I'll miss most of you

-Yes, I will still kick bottomus during NaNoWriMo

-Ha ha no

-Yes

-Maybe I'm just prettier than you are

-Only if you buy me Swiss Cake Rolls

-Do you think I care?

Procrastinating

Perhaps bob shall write a new post. About...

*going to Florida

*taking care of children

*trying to find a job

*trying to write a script

*trying to write period

*failing classes

*watching Pride and Prejudice like five times in a row

*Procrastinating very important papers

*eating lots of junk, ensuring that her weight will shoot back up

*being so out of shape that walking from the RB up to the Bookstore nearly killed her

*missing people she shouldn't miss

*being weirded out by how her brother and his girlfriend talk about their eventual marriage and children

*blinding people with a bright yellow dress that has feathers on it

*planning to have her first solo recital ever

...

Nah. This list is enough words to count as a post, right? Who needs piddly things like details?

Report

Schedules made: 100%.

Average amount of schedule adhered to: 5%.

Homework completed: 90%.

Patience of mature roommate: estimated 43% of capacity.

Happiness: healthy 70%.

Suggestions for improvement: stick closer to schedules, clean room every day, do all homework in a timely fashion, and find more time to write.

Pi Day

I meant to do a post for pi day. I really did. But there were problems.

Some of you may remember last year's pi day post. That was pretty fun, but I didn't want to do a repeat of it, even though my opinion has changed on some things. And I couldn't think of some other clever idea involving numbers.

Also I'm a little annoyed to see that I remember exactly the same number of digits as last year. Way to not work on memorization.

And then I was going to ask my brother what I should do but I forgot.

So I will link to his blog instead.

Linked.

Erg

Last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I'll just say that I had to brush my teeth three times, I can hardly move, and I'm not allowed to touch Caiti. I am joined in my pain by Siri, Boo, and my father - so far. This kind of thing, in this kind of environment, usually gets everyone before leaving.

In short, don't come over today. You'll regret it.

Kissing

I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. And, well, so did everyone else. But I didn't expect it to happen so soon!

My sister has kissed a boy.

As I said, we knew this was coming. She was asked out on a date back when she was 14, and has been quite popular (in a good way, she's a beautiful and awesome girl) for as long as I can remember. And now, with her sixteenth birthday still 10 months away, she has kissed a boy.

Well, okay, only on the forehead. And only because the driver of the car she was in said that every girl had to kiss the only boy in the car before leaving. But still! It was a guy she likes, and the closest I've come to kissing someone was all that stage kissing...

... though me bringing that up did lead to an interesting discussion on why Random kissing a boy on the forehead due to peer pressure counted as a kiss, while me kissing a guy on the lips at least twice a night for several nights in a row didn't count as even one kiss.

Monopoly

The first game, between Siri and myself, ended just as Goober came home. (I won.)

"Hey, Goober, want to play Monopoly with us?"

"Only if we play the fast way."

So we started a new game. I was the hat (with a rabbit inside), Siri was the moneybag (which bounced up and down), and Goober was the car (which honked and danced a little). And we started with all of the properties delt out, the 'fast way' that Goober spoke of. (I did mention that we were playing this on my computer, right?)

Ten minutes in, precious little had happened, just some trading to make monopolies and a bit of cash changing hands.

Half an hour in, Goober had discovered how easy it was to get Siri to agree to a trade.

45 minutes in, Siri had completely lost interest, and Goober had 'acquired' more of her properties than should be legal.

About an hour in, I quickly grabbed one of Siri's utilities. Goober had already taken the other, and I didn't want her to have both of them.

An hour and a half in, we had moved to the kitchen to eat dinner, and I was playing with Goober's hair and watching as she played for everyone. I was really ready for Goober to go bankrupt; she'd been on the verge for most of the game. When she finally landed on one my hotel-ed properties, however, she made a trade with Siri: all of Siri's money and properties in return for Goober's get out of jail free card.

That was where I started to loose it.

Soon after, Siri went bankrupt to me, which meant I got... a get out of jail free card. Nice. (Especially since we'd set a house rule that bail was $0.)

But I had high hopes for bankrupting Goober. I had four monopolies with hotels, including Boardwalk, and she rarely had over $500, if that.

But she kept... hanging... on...

Shortly after the two hour mark, Goober went bankrupt. Or should have. Instead, she gave me all her properties and I gave her several thousand dollars (I had around $20,000 at the time). I, watching more than playing, let her. I unmortgaged all the properties... and then she tried to take them all back. I quickly put an end to that, giving her one monopoly and the railroads and utilities.

It wasn't until near the three hour mark that we finally put the game away - not finished, just saved. This is the longest quick game I have ever seen.

And all you people who called me a cheater during NaNo? Yeah. You have not seen cheating until you watch Goober play Monopoly on my computer.

Also, I have more than an entire roll of toilet paper and my nose is getting very, very raw. Splurging on some lotion-y tissues is definitely in order.

Characters

For those of who who missed Goober's triple post, I now have two roommates: my four-year-old sister and Goober herself.

We don't hate each other yet, so we must be doing something right.

Lately I've been doing my best to get back into writing, and really working on the second draft of my two NaNo novels. Heh. Not going so well. I'm trying to do outlines for the plot and characterization, and I'm having trouble with both. I am having so much trouble with characters, in fact, that I'm more or less putting my editing on hold to find and read some books and articles on characterization.

And this is LAME. I've always felt that I did well with characters - I come up with characters and then the story, I often half-know them before I even name them, things like that. But suddenly Kristy and Ezekiel and Willow and Ash and the others are the hardest things to pin down. They're all ending up with the exact same character traits, or the opposites. Some of them seem to have no traits at all.

And as a result, they're all refusing to speak with me and I can't get anything done.

BLAH.

Three Things

One - Yes, My Tribe is still taking up all of my time. I'm seriously thinking about getting rid of at least one tribe. Or putting it on pause, maybe?

Two - I really like this new TV show called Lie to Me. Quite soon after watching tonight's episode, I realized that, when I say a certain phrase that I know isn't true (but I say it at least twice a day anyway), I do the little mouth shrug and other things that would, to the astute watcher, show them that I was lying. Also, I really want to learn how to read people like they do on the show. It would be so cool.

Three - I'm reading Monstrous Regiment to my sister, and some of the characters say things like "Oh gods." I was sometimes saying that, sometimes replacing it, until Siri objected. So I started using "Bob" instead. This was hilarious, but after some debate it was decided that it sounded a little too similar. So we changed it to "Oh my Fred!"

Also, though I have My Tribe characters named after most of my friends, including real names and Board names (Fredjikrang was too long, though, so I had to go with Fredji), I have not been able to bring myself to name someone Bob, or even Robert.

Blast it, it's after 10 again. I should really get rid of one of those tribes.

Oh! Oh! One more thing! Are any of you who live in Provo free this Saturday from 6:00 AM to sometime in the late afternoon? You see, my friend Marnee really really needs judges for speech and debate - she has to bring at least 15 or so or her kids can't participate - and so far she has her husband, me, and Goober. And probably a couple of parents. There should be free food! And I might be able to convince my parents to let me take the car, so we could leave early and listen to my iPod there are back (and probably get lost four or five times...)! And if I had any money I would buy us lunch but I don't so um I'll give you a hug maybe? Or write a blog post singing your praises? And Marnee would love you.

Wandering Narrative

For the first time since that one time I got so upset that I vowed to avoid virtual human contact, I have been spending very little time on the internet. I've been on my computer, yeah, but not on the internet. And not writing either.

I've been playing My Tribe.

I suppose I could compare it to Sims (I've never played, so I'm not 100% sure), only much simpler. Which also means less to do at any given time. I actually started three tribes so I could skip from one to another during the many hours I've been spending on my computer. (I don't know how I'm going to take care of them all, plus check on my sister's, but I'm going to try.)

I blame some unfortunate circumstances on Saturday that drove me to this game - and no, not those kind of circumstances. I hung out with Goober instead of with any sort of male. But, you see, it was one of Those Times - the times where I spend pointless time trying to figure out how I could drum up the money to move out, and how to counteract the guilt once I did so. Even when I had a job I wouldn't have been able to afford moving out, but sometimes things get so bad I try to figure it out anyway. Out of habit, now, I ponder housing signs posted in bathrooms and ask people how they like where they're living.

Anyway, a desire to do anything aside from go home got me playing, and the stress and consequent poor eating gave me the hours upon hours to continue doing so. Now if only we had actually apologized and not pretended to...

Sisters

A brief rundown of tonight's events:

1. "I'm 10, but that doesn't mean I know how to pour drinks for myself without spilling."

2. Brekke = oxygen, Siri = spark, my mother = fuel. Result: my mother puts herself in time-out for yelling.

3. I'm the backup mother.

4. "Hey! Hey! I'm going to dance around and be really obnoxious, as obnoxious as a four-year-old can be!"

5. "Hey! Hey! I'm only nine months old, so you need to hold me! YES ALL THE TIME."

6. "Why do IIIIII always have to doooooo this????" "Because it's your night for dinner, and you do so little around the house that the least you can do is clean up the kitchen once a week." *massive 10-year-old groan*

7. "My leeeeeeeeg huuuuuuuuurts. Ow! Oooooooooow!" "You're not going to bed until you're done in here." *massive 10-year-old sulk*

8. "It's waaaaaaaay past my bedtime!" "You're not going to bed until you're done in here." *further sulking*

9. Somehow, the 10-year-old has no idea how to clean the kitchen and must be told each and every step at least three times.

10. Did I mention I was also dealing with a hyperactive four-year-old and a clingy nine-month-old at the same time?

11. *wild gasp* "Is that dad? Is that dad? Is dad home?" "Yes. Now finish sweeping." "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! I don't like her! She's mean to me!" *pouts*

12. "Hey! Now that I no longer have to clean the kitchen, I have no reason whatsoever to want to go to bed! Want to see how many times I can come out of my room? Huh? Huh???"

13. bob must read hilarious Twilight sporks in order to not go to bed fuming.

What joy.

Love

It seems an appropriate topic, though what caused me to write about it had nothing to do with the impending holiday o' love. : D

I recently watched a movie called My Brilliant Career for my film class. In class today, our teacher admitted that they chose it on purpose so all we students would be bothered. You see, it starts out like a Jane Austen movie - girl and boy meet, improve each other, and fall in love. And then he proposes and she says no - wait a second, that's not how it's supposed to go!

The fact that the movie does not end with the expected wedding and joy wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me - all feminists should stop reading now - was that she gave up the man she loved in order to be a writer. Well, the ending's a bit ambiguous, maybe she did end up with him or at least someone else sometime, but throughout the ending she repeatedly refused to marry the guy because she wanted to pursue a career.

And this bothered me. I fully realize that by thinking, and then saying, such a thing, there are those out there that will think I'm a repressed woman who falsely believes that I will only be whole when I have a man. However, I know this is not that case. So I did some deep thinking to figure out why this had bothered me so much.

And then I tried to write down all my wonderful philosophical insights and failed. : D

However, I will say one thing: I don't know that I would have been able to do it. I have dreams and hopes for my life just as the girl in the movie did, but I think, if I had to, I would choose the love over the career. I would need the love so badly that everything else diminished in the face of it. Perhaps some would say that no amount of love would fill in for achieving your dreams, and perhaps I would occasionally regret not trying for a career, but love, true, romantic, share-your-life-and-soul love, is something I would never pass up on.

I've known this for a long time, but until the last year or so it frightened me. Needing love like I do, like every human does - well, you get hurt sometimes. I have never suffered heartache romantically, but I have been hurt by friends, so I know a little of what it's like and I didn't want to know how much worse it could get. And I think it is this attitude that led me to have few friends, and to usually put myself before them.

But things started changing when I read an answer on the Board about love. One of the writers said something along the lines of "I love everyone I know." This made me think - do I love everyone I know? Well, why not? And if I did love everyone I knew, what would it look like? These are things that I have thought about a lot in the past year or so. And I know I'm not very good yet - just last week I learned another big lesson, and I'm pretty sure I hurt someone else in the process - but I am changing. Many of these changes have happened inside of me - I realize I see someone in a new light, mostly. Other changes are very noticeable. I have more friends, for one, and I'm starting to talk to them and hang out with them more. And then there's the nicknames, which I've slowly been discovering mean much more than I thought. You can tell how much I know and, yes, love someone by how many nicknames I call them, and often even I'm surprised when I take stock of what I call who. And, even more amusingly, I am now able to have fun flirting, and also take part in what we call 'girl talk' without making fun of everyone else or being all emo myself (mostly, and I do apologize to Goober for the times when I've slipped and acted dumb).

I know this post is far too long, and it's probably not very coherent, but I'm posting it anyway. : D

Sliding

"Hi dad! I just wanted to tell you - I know you and mom weren't worried about it, but by the time I got out of the neighborhood I was - that I did not get into any accidents and I did not loose control of the car. I probably should have taken your car. I'll try to get home within half an hour when my class is over. At least now I can be confident in my driving-in-the-snow skills."

!!!

Shoot!

I still don't have a job or any money, and I made the mistake of looking at the limited edition shirt from the Board. And I want it. I really want it. But I have no money, literally no money. I mean, I have about $90. And I might not be getting a job until April

Anyone want to buy that for me? *is begging*

Have I Told You About My Sister Yet?

Point a camera at her, and she goes into ham mode.



And yes, she is posing herself.





No one, not even Draik (the only one that's not blond) has ever tried to pull the pull-a-face-as-the-flash-goes trick. She picked it up and perfected it on her own.

A Spanish Restaurant

This mission took place on Tuesday, April 8, 2008, all in the P.M.

4:00 – Agent Bob meets Agent Fred outside the Spanish classroom. It was decided that Agent Fred would accompany Agent Bob as a final blow against The Annoyance.

4:10 – Everyone leaves the classroom. Agent Bob is driving a van, in which will be Agent Fred and Cambria, a civilian. Some embarrassment is expressed, as it appears that The Annoyance isn’t coming. Agent Fred doesn’t mind; he’s getting free food.

Later – Arrival at the restaurant. There is much standing in line. Agents Fred and Bob discuss what to get. Agent Bob confesses her fears about ordering in Spanish, and Agent Fred laughs at her. Kindly. And insists she can do it.

Later – Agent Bob successfully orders ‘numero tres con pollo y agua fresca.’

Later – Agent Bob is quite happy with her food, even though there are onions and spices. Direct quote: “Why must there be spices on everything?” “There aren’t. You’re just picky.”

Later – Agents Bob and Fred discuss their food; corn tortillas, beans, flavored rice, agua fresca, chicken, sour cream, all sorts of good stuff.

Later – There are many remarks about the flags and other general Mexican things in the restaurant.

5:30 – Having nothing more to talk about that concerns Spanish, Agents Fred and Bob decide to return to campus.

6:30 – Agent Bob’s mother is given the leftover food. Direct quote: “What’s this?” “Agua fresca. It’s like lemonade. Or is lemonade. Or something.”

Addendum – The problem of The Annoyance was declared more or less fixed the day after this mission, when The Annoyance talked to Agent Bob for the first time in over a week. While he does follow her from class to the photo counter in the Bookstore, this gives Agent Bob the opportunity to tell him she went with Agent Fred and they had so much fun and the food was so good… to bad he didn’t come. The Annoyance leaves quickly when Agent Bob’s father gets back to the photo counter.

This report was written on April 11, 2008 by Agent Bob.

Spanish Theater

This was my third cultural activity report for that first semester (my second wasn't funny).

This mission took place on Friday, March 21, 2008, all in the P.M.

4:55 – Agent Bob foolishly lets loose important information. Direct quote: “Are you going to the Theater?” “Yeah, I’m going tonight with my sister.” “Oh…”

5:00 – The Annoyance runs off to buy himself a ticket so he can attend Spanish Golden Age Theater with Agent Bob, the woman he’s desperately trying to woo despite the repeated phrase “I’m not interested.”

*unimportant events skipped*

7:15 – Agent Bob and Agent Random realize that they need to get over to the theater.

7:40 – Delayed by a flippin’ long bathroom break and hasty ice-cream eating, Agents Bob and Random enter the theater with The Annoyance. Happily, Agent Bob manages to get Agent Random to sit between her (bob) and The Annoyance.

7:40-8:00ish – Agents Bob and Random read through the free program and the purchased program, familiarizing themselves with the plots of the plays and being generally entertained. Agent Bob points out that the audience is supposed to participate in the plays; that was how Golden Age plays were written. Agent Random, usually very outgoing, is quite hesitant about agreeing to shout things out, due to a little problem she describes as, “I don’t know Spanish!”

*from this point, exact time is unknown*

Later – The first play is declared very entertaining, even if one does not know Spanish. Agent Bob refrains from acting smug. The Annoyance tries to gain attention. Agent Random discovers a repeated page replacing a needed one in the program and mourns the loss of the comic. Agent Bob points out that they have two programs.

Later – There is a whispered conversation between the two Agents when people in the audience start yelling. Agent Bob tells Agent Random that this was what she meant by ‘audience participation.’ Agent Random still refuses to participate.

Later – Agent Random dozes off and needs to be brought up to speed: they’re ignoring Apitito, who is trying to gain attention.

Later – Applause for the actors.

Later – Agent Bob learns that the girl going by ‘Desnudez’ was named ‘nudity,’ and that it means she was pure, innocent, etc.

Later – Agent Bob does her best to fill out the extra credit form. (Addendum: said form was lost, necessitating replacement, to be included with this report.)

Later – After banter, attempts to read about zombies, and a brilliant move on Agent Random’s part, Agent Bob is rescued from The Annoyance by the timely arrival of her father in the getaway car.

Addendum – The problem of The Annoyance was later eased with some quick moves on Agent Bob’s part and some help from Agent Brunette and Agent Fred. See Restaurant Report.

This report was written April 11, 2008, by Agent Bob.

Spanish TV

This is a report, a rather amusing report if I do say so myself, that I wrote for my Spanish class probably about a year ago. At that time, my brother known here as Draik was still living at home.

“Hey mom.” “What?” “I need to watch TV in Spanish again.” “Oh.”

With that, my mother, usually fastened to the couch or rocking chair from 4-10, departed for her bedroom. I shrugged and turned on the TV just in time to catch the beginning of our ‘favorite’ Spanish game show, A Que No Puedes!

“What does that mean, anyway?” Ty asked.

“Something like, ‘you can’t do this,’” I replied.

My dad had wandered into the room. “So they do all these stunts, and then the contestants have to try to do them?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

My sister Random turned from the TV to me with an odd look on her face. “bob, did he just…”

“Yes, he did just stare blatantly at that woman’s chest. They do that a lot on this channel. I’m sorry, I would watch a soap if any were on.”

Dad grinned. “You mean that ‘Diablo con los Guapos’ or something?”

“Or the Spanish ‘Desperate Housewives’?” Draik added.

“Yes. Like that. Now be quiet so I can watch this. I need to write a paper on it for my Spanish class.”

All was quiet for a while, as a typical game show got on much how a typical game show does, in Spanish or English. Only the ways to win money change; in this case, contestants get it by doing stunts.

“bob, why are there scantily clad dancers?” Poor, innocent, 12-year-old Ty was purposefully looking away from the screen.

I shrugged. “’Cause they can. Honestly, all the shows I’ve watched, aside from the soaps, have scantily clad dancers for apparently no reason. Apparently the Spanish channels don’t have as much of a sense of propriety as Americans do. Or, perhaps, Americans swear and are more violent on TV, and Spanish channels are more sensual. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV for a couple of minutes.

As A Que no Puedes! ended, Random looked at me again. “Who won?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the Spanish shows care more about the spectacle than the winning of money. Oh, look, the clown show is on!”

Draik turned away from the computer, where he was facebooking as if his life depended on it. “What? Why clowns? What happens?”

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

“bob, why are there scantily clad cat dancers?” Ty couldn’t get past the dancers, apparently.

“I don’t know. Aw, man, they didn’t do the armpit dance.”

Dad had wandered into the room again. “Armpit dance?”

“Yeah. The cat dancers go along in front of the front row of the audience and show them their armpits, while everyone pretends they are really stinky.”

“Why?” It doesn’t matter who said this, since everyone was thinking it.

“I have no idea.”

“Hey, bob, what are they saying?” This was Danny, looking up from the DS long enough to notice that there was something going on in the living room.

“Oh, the clown dude is instructing that other dude to profess his love to the cat dancer, as if they were actors in a movie or something.”

“Why?”

At this point, I turned my eyes heavenward. “I really don’t know. In fact, I don’t know why most of the things that happened on Spanish shows happen. They seem to have no purpose whatsoever. Makes you wonder how all these apparent traditions got started.”

“So a key factor in being a Spanish show is that you don’t make any sense?”

“Yeah, something along those lines.”

Danny went back to his DS-ing. “Spanish people are weird.”

I shrugged, which is something I seem to do a lot while watching Spanish TV. “Oh, look, they’re going to have people sing now.”

“Why?”

“If someone says that word again, I will send you all to bed. I don’t know why. It’s kinda like American Idol auditions, though, except it’s all a joke.”

“Is that one old woman really a man?”

“Yeah.”

“They’re putting honey on that guy’s head!”

“Yeah, they do that while people sing.”

“Put honey on their heads?”

“Well, do odd stuff in general. Like put wigs or sunglasses on them, or tie them up, or dump stuff on them. Oh, look, now the clown guy is going to sing. He has a good voice.”

“What’s he singing about?”

“Um… his heart, and how it belongs to a girl, and something about going to a restaurant.”

Draik gave me a skeptical look from the computer. “Don’t you know Spanish?”

“Not that well! I’m working on it, mmkay? And anyway, he’s singing kinda fast and stuff. Oh! Hey! I recognized that phrase – I learned it in Dance of the Cucumber. What a great song. I wonder if I could get extra credit for singing it in Spanish class. I could certainly use the points.”

“bob, are you almost done yet?”

I raised my eyebrows at Random. “You could go to bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“It’s past your bedtime. Oh, nobody watch this commercial.” I turned off the TV again. This time, I forgot to turn it on for a good ten minutes. “Blast, now I’ll have to watch more.”

“Why are you watching TV in Spanish, anyway?”

I gave Random an exasperated look. “I think I already went over this. I have to for my class, for a cultural activity. I have to observe something and write about how it differs from our culture, as well as noting any new words or phrases I learn.”

Random looked dismayed. “So you’ll have to do this again?”

“No. I can only do it once. Now hush, I need to pay attention. I don’t know if I’ve yet learned and observed enough to fill a page.”

Out of all that I learned from watching Spanish TV the other day, I think the thing I will remember the most is that I should never watch it with all my siblings in the room. Not only is some of it a little to adult for some of them, they can’t keep their mouths shut!